Are couples therapists supposed to be neutral at all times?
Of course not. We’re not impartial like a judge listening to evidence and passing judgment.
In family or couples therapy or group therapy, I’m constantly supporting one or another person in saying what they need to say from one moment to the next, coaching, affirming, questioning, and reframing. It’s a dynamic situation, and the scales are never perfectly balanced.
I feel more like a choral conductor with two or maybe lots of soloists, doing whatever I can to bring out the very best in each one and lowering the background noise (without making any music myself).
If you see couples and families and groups as dynamic systems, you’ll recognize that relationship therapy is a great art with tremendous potential. You’ll quickly forget about being partial to one player or another in the ensemble and do whatever you can to help the system stabilize and heal, or when necessary, disband.
There are plenty more stories and insights on how therapy works in Get the Most From Your Therapy, a friendly, practical guide to the experience.
