Therapy Insights Blog – David McPhee, PhD| Get the Most From Your Therapy

David McPhee's Blog

Answers to real therapy questions, informed by 30+ years of clinical practice.

What are some good examples of art therapy?

George had been my neighbor until he went to the care center, where I visited him every week. They had an art therapist named Sally there. She invited me to participate in a class.

What’s your most memorable “ah-ha” moment with a client?

Sally seemed obsessed with her older sister Sue, who was critical, controlling, and occasionally cruel. They’d talk on the phone every Friday at 6 PM for about half an hour. Sally always felt bad for an hour or two afterward and had a cocktail and a TV show to settle...

How to Accept Your Emotions When You Can’t?

I wouldn’t start there. That’s a tall order, and all that comes much later. We begin gradually. Start with noticing the sensations, just attending and describing, nothing more (though it’s a lot already).

Are There Boundaries Clients Shouldn’t Cross in Therapy?

If it’s not illegal or dangerous or disruptive to others, you can say or ask absolutely anything that pops into your head. I hope you do.

In marriage therapy, how would you help someone “click” with their spouse again after years of mostly marital apathy?

You can learn to develop curiosity about practically anything if it’s important to someone you love, even after “years of mostly marital apathy.”

Does transference always happen when seeing a therapist?

Transference brings your feelings about important relationships right into the room where they can be addressed and maybe resolved.

How do you learn to love yourself when you grew up in a dysfunctional family?

Love is not a passing feeling or emotion, like loving a movie or a dessert. It’s a behavior. We don’t have a lot of control over our feelings. We can control our behavior based on choices and promises.

At what point does a client need to detach from their therapist?

Attachment is usually a positive thing, and even some temporary feelings of dependency can be OK if they’re addressed in the therapy and don’t lead to any dysfunction.

What do therapists do with a client who is always the victim?

Brad was a victim. I know because he told me so, often, and with great and passionate sorrow.

Are therapists allowed to call the police?

One day, after what I thought was a really good session—glad I had videotaped it—Oscar announced as he was leaving, “I’m going on a run now.” (Meaning he was about to run away). What the hell? I was clueless. I tried to talk him out of it, adding that I’d...

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