David McPhee's Blog
How can a therapist help a client safely externalize pent-up anger?
BLOG How can a therapist help a client safely externalize pent-up anger? I think that might be the wrong question. “Letting it all out” doesn’t work and can be dangerous.Magnus had a history of bar fights and road rage. A recent arrest led him to Court-Mandated therapy. He could go...Continue reading→
How do therapists help depressed clients who struggle to engage because everything is bad and nothing is ever enough?
The client showed up for therapy. That is huge. They keep coming. That is more huge. I’d say the client has engaged, plenty. Still, they keep saying everything is bad and nothing will ever be enough? OK. Then that’s where we start, supporting the client as they find ways of expressing it fully and in different ways, all the feelings and the thoughts.Continue reading→
How is attachment to my therapist a sign of healing when it hurts more than my original pain?
BLOG How is attachment to my therapist a sign of healing when it hurts more than my original pain? Ah, the pain thing. Therapy can be painful and often is. You’re letting go of some of the maladaptive defenses, and the avoiding, and the self-kidding that cushioned you from pain...Continue reading→
Do people cry in front of their therapists?
They often do, and they should, and it’s a good thing... There’s just about no better place in the world than a therapy office, where you don’t have to hold back tears or any expressions of feelings, because you have this special, highly private relationship with another human who is fully there for you, and you see only for that 50 minutes, once a week or so.Continue reading→
Can therapists give clients gifts and still stay ethical?
I gave gifts to clients. Once. Not unethical, but also not very bright of me. One year, long ago, I saw a picture of a paper white narcissus and thought it was beautiful. I’m no botanist and don’t know much about flowers, but I really liked that one.Continue reading→
What is your opinion of a therapist who tells you what to do?
If you’re having a panic attack in front of me, I know what to do to help stop the agony, but you’ll need to follow my instructions and let me help, which is up to you. I will always ask your permission before jumping in. Continue reading→
Are young kids too young for therapy if they don’t really understand mental health?
We saw kids four and up, many of them victims of abuse and neglect, long term. Other kids came as part of family therapy, and still other had various issues that concerned their parents or professionals.Continue reading→
Is it okay to end a therapy session early if you just feel you’ve had enough?
I talk about the unique boundaries of therapy and one that adds some protection and specialness is the time period — often 50 minutes. It’s nudging a boundary to change that, which is precisely why I favor doing it once in a while. Stretching a boundary here and there is special, and carries message and meaning.Continue reading→
What unrealistic expectations do clients bring to therapy that slow their progress?
BLOG What unrealistic expectations do clients bring to therapy that slow their progress? 1. If you find a great therapist, they’ll fix you. ❌ Fact is, most of the hard work is done by the client, and even an average therapist will do. 2. Therapists have the answers, but...Continue reading→
Why do psychologists, gurus, psychiatrists, etc., always recommend that you do things for others?
Because they understand human nature. Because they know all our pains and hurts and ills make us focus on ourselves, and that when we pay all that attention to our own problems, the problems grow bigger and we grow more self-absorbed, and my world is about the arthritis pain in my right knee (it actually was hurting for a few minutes this morning until I got off my butt and took a very active kid to the park). Continue reading→