David McPhee's Blog
What do therapists do with a client who is always the victim?
Brad was a victim. I know because he told me so, often, and with great and passionate sorrow.Continue reading→
Are therapists allowed to call the police?
One day, after what I thought was a really good session—glad I had videotaped it—Oscar announced as he was leaving, “I’m going on a run now.” (Meaning he was about to run away). What the hell? I was clueless. I tried to talk him out of it, adding that I’d have to call the police. He said, not in a smartass way, “That’s OK, most of them know me,” and left. Actually running.Continue reading→
What do you do with your emotions when someone says “sit with it”?
You need more specifics. Here are some of the sensations to notice. Just notice at first; no need to have some fancy interpretation just yet, or even name what the feeling is.Continue reading→
How well does CBT work in therapy?
I never did CBT like a class, as if the client were a student, with the lessons and the worksheets, following a manual. That’s psychoeducation, possibly helpful and interesting, but absolutely not psychotherapy. But if you’ve got a good working relationship with a client, based on trust and commitment, CBT-type interventions can be great. Continue reading→
Are therapists supposed to tell clients they deal with emotions wrong?
Therapy is a deep, unique relationship that allows full expression, exploration, and resolution of any and all emotions and a lot more. It’s about an approach tailored specifically to you, the whole you, not some convenient label or diagnosis.Continue reading→
How many appointments does it take to know if a therapist is a good fit?
BLOG How many appointments does it take to know if a therapist is a good fit? This is a serious answer even if it doesn’t sound like it.How many dates do you need to have with another adult before you decide you want to keep dating?Most people will say “one.”...Continue reading→
Is therapy supposed to be this incredibly important relationship that shapes the rest of your life, or is it actually not that deep?
Both, or either one. It can be an incredibly important relationship if you have a lot to reframe and repair, or not as deep when you just need help stopping smoking or deciding whether to retire now, etc.Continue reading→
How can a therapist help a client safely externalize pent-up anger?
BLOG How can a therapist help a client safely externalize pent-up anger? I think that might be the wrong question. “Letting it all out” doesn’t work and can be dangerous. Magnus had a history of bar fights and road rage. A recent arrest led him to Court-Mandated therapy. He could...Continue reading→
How do therapists help depressed clients who struggle to engage because everything is bad and nothing is ever enough?
The client showed up for therapy. That is huge. They keep coming. That is more huge. I’d say the client has engaged, plenty. Still, they keep saying everything is bad and nothing will ever be enough? OK. Then that’s where we start, supporting the client as they find ways of expressing it fully and in different ways, all the feelings and the thoughts.Continue reading→
How is attachment to my therapist a sign of healing when it hurts more than my original pain?
BLOG How is attachment to my therapist a sign of healing when it hurts more than my original pain? Ah, the pain thing. Therapy can be painful and often is. You’re letting go of some of the maladaptive defenses, and the avoiding, and the self-kidding that cushioned you from pain...Continue reading→