David McPhee's Blog
Answers to real therapy questions, informed by 30+ years of clinical practice.
Does transference always happen when seeing a therapist?
Transference brings your feelings about important relationships right into the room where they can be addressed and maybe resolved.Continue reading→
How do you learn to love yourself when you grew up in a dysfunctional family?
Love is not a passing feeling or emotion, like loving a movie or a dessert. It’s a behavior. We don’t have a lot of control over our feelings. We can control our behavior based on choices and promises.Continue reading→
At what point does a client need to detach from their therapist?
BLOG At what point does a client need to detach from their therapist? Maybe there’s no need to detach from the therapist, like a barnacle from a boat.I confess I’m still attached, at least a little, to the three therapists I’ve had (one every 15 years or so.) The first...Continue reading→
What do therapists do with a client who is always the victim?
Brad was a victim. I know because he told me so, often, and with great and passionate sorrow.Continue reading→
Are therapists allowed to call the police?
One day, after what I thought was a really good session—glad I had videotaped it—Oscar announced as he was leaving, “I’m going on a run now.” (Meaning he was about to run away). What the hell? I was clueless. I tried to talk him out of it, adding that I’d have to call the police. He said, not in a smartass way, “That’s OK, most of them know me,” and left. Actually running.Continue reading→
What do you do with your emotions when someone says “sit with it”?
You need more specifics. Here are some of the sensations to notice. Just notice at first; no need to have some fancy interpretation just yet, or even name what the feeling is.Continue reading→
How well does CBT work in therapy?
I never did CBT like a class, as if the client were a student, with the lessons and the worksheets, following a manual. That’s psychoeducation, possibly helpful and interesting, but absolutely not psychotherapy. But if you’ve got a good working relationship with a client, based on trust and commitment, CBT-type interventions can be great. Continue reading→
Are therapists supposed to tell clients they deal with emotions wrong?
Therapy is a deep, unique relationship that allows full expression, exploration, and resolution of any and all emotions and a lot more. It’s about an approach tailored specifically to you, the whole you, not some convenient label or diagnosis.Continue reading→
How many appointments does it take to know if a therapist is a good fit?
BLOG How many appointments does it take to know if a therapist is a good fit? This is a serious answer even if it doesn’t sound like it. How many dates do you need to have with another adult before you decide you want to keep dating? Most people will...Continue reading→
Is therapy supposed to be this incredibly important relationship that shapes the rest of your life, or is it actually not that deep?
Both, or either one. It can be an incredibly important relationship if you have a lot to reframe and repair, or not as deep when you just need help stopping smoking or deciding whether to retire now, etc.Continue reading→