David McPhee's Blog
Answers to real therapy questions, informed by 30+ years of clinical practice.
Do therapists ask a lot of questions?
Most good therapists avoid questions, most of the time. Questions take over the conversation. "Talk about what I want to hear about, please." They’re a little too bossy, most of the time, though once in a while they can be illuminating.
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Are couples therapists supposed to be neutral at all times?
In family or couples therapy or group therapy, I’m constantly supporting one or another person in saying what they need to say from one moment to the next, coaching, affirming, questioning, and reframing.
Read MoreCan you interview a therapist before you pick them?
If you ask good, relevant questions, you’ll learn plenty and probably get a good feel for how it would be to work with this person.
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How can you tell if a therapist is not good at therapy?
Reading Quora questions and answers—stories of therapist misbehavior, misconduct, and mediocrity—has been sobering and saddening, and sometimes just makes me mad. Here’s a short list of problems that come up often.
Read MoreHow do you cope with anxiety that turns into dissociation?
The dissociative state is a way of coping, and may feel a lot better than the anxiety. Some people keep dissociating but learn to do it in a way that’s hardly noticeable.
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What are some good examples of art therapy?
George had been my neighbor until he went to the care center, where I visited him every week. They had an art therapist named Sally there. She invited me to participate in a class.
Read MoreWhat’s your most memorable “ah-ha” moment with a client?
Sally seemed obsessed with her older sister Sue, who was critical, controlling, and occasionally cruel. They’d talk on the phone every Friday at 6 PM for about half an hour. Sally always felt bad for an hour or two afterward and had a cocktail and a TV show to settle...
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How to Accept Your Emotions When You Can’t?
I wouldn’t start there. That’s a tall order, and all that comes much later. We begin gradually. Start with noticing the sensations, just attending and describing, nothing more (though it’s a lot already).
Read MoreAre Clients Responsible for Boundaries in Therapy?
If it’s not illegal or dangerous or disruptive to others, you can say or ask absolutely anything that pops into your head. I hope you do.
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In marriage therapy, how would you help someone “click” with their spouse again after years of mostly marital apathy?
You can learn to develop curiosity about practically anything if it’s important to someone you love, even after “years of mostly marital apathy.”
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